What causes homosexuality?
We don’t know. There is no one cause. There seem to be many factors that contribute to same-sex attractions or a homosexual orientation. And these factors are probably weighed differently for different people.
Can homosexuality be changed?
Some people experience a degree of meaningful change or modest gains. But not everyone who wishes or attempts to change will. Although change can occur along a continuum, moving from “completely gay” to “completely straight” is rare. And if does not appear to be intrinsically harmful to try to change one’s sexual orientation, especially if a person has realistic expectations.
I think if you are attempting to change, you should be supported in your efforts. But don’t go through the process in isolation and in shame with high expectations that you will become completely heterosexual. I hope and pray that your self-worth, the love of other people have for you and their assumptions about your faith (spiritual maturity) is not dependent on the desired outcome.
Have people to support you, strengthen you and comfort you. Let them sit with you in your pain, your questions, your doubts, your fears, your setbacks and your successes.
Again, I encourage you to expand your focus so that you are not overly consumed with your sexual orientation at the expense of other dimensions of your sexual identity and sense of yourself as a person.
Another thought . . .
In a relationship with God, we ought to expect changes in our lives well beyond our sexuality. A definitive “yes” or “no” answer is both unrealistic and irresponsible. Instead of asking “can homosexuality be changed”, it would be helpful (more freeing and enlightening) to ask and answer questions like . . .
- “Where do you think God wants to move you on your own personal spectrum of change?”
- “What do you think is changing in your life as a result of where you are in relation to God?”
More Understanding, Please
As the church and as individual Christians, we really need to stop burdening down our families and friends who struggle with same-sex attractions, a homosexual orientation or a gay identity. Many of us experience tremendous shame, guilt, and fear. We understand you mean well. Please – don’t pressure us with unrealistic expectations or messages that we are not trying hard enough (or that we don’t have enough faith). Don’t placate, patronize or over spiritualize.
Listen to us. Share our burdens; our lives. Offer a realistic and biblical hope regarding our circumstances. Work to remove the stigma often associated with the struggle itself. Considering the totality of our lives and the cosmic work (and purpose) God is accomplishing (past, present, future), I believe it really doesn’t matter if individuals experience a measure of change in orientation or not. Support us in our growth toward holiness and Christ likeness. We are all in this together.
I am curious about what motivates (or motivated) my readers who are dissatisfied with having same-sex attractions (or who seek to overcome or diminish those feelings). The following poll question is non-scientific. Of the 18 considerations listed, you can choose as many as you wish. You can only vote once. And if you wish to elaborate on your motivations, you are welcome to do so in the “Comments” section. And if you are wondering, your answers are completely anonymous. I can’t tell who said what.
Thanks in advance for participating.
To my readers who are happy, satisfied and fulfilled in their self-identity and sexual identity: Please respect the rights, needs and viewpoints of my other guests.