The stress of being isolated or having to deal with strained relationships is hard enough for many men who struggle with unwanted homoerotic sexuality. For some the holiday season means the urge to engage in acting out (sexual) behavior will intensify. Specifically, the challenge of being alone in a vehicle (or traveling alone) will be extremely difficult. If it is (or is going to be) difficult for you, seek extra support and accountability from others NOW. Be proactive.
For those unfamiliar with the term, “cruising” (in a specifically sexual context) is/was code for driving (or walking) around aimlessly trying to pick up someone for casual or anonymous sex. Some people use a hunting metaphor to describe cruising – search until you capture; a game of attention-seeking and pleasure-seeking.
The problem is huge amounts of time and resources are wasted. Legitimate needs are never fulfilled. And the underlying issues (usually loneliness, boredom, feeling out of control and/or being disconnected) are never addressed.
Are you concerned or troubled by your own cruising behavior (for sex or for the rush of excitement)? I hope the brief suggestions below are helpful.
Be More Intentional With Your Driving
- Always have a specific place to drive to. Never go on an open-ended trip.
- Avoid “pit stops”, extended trips and excessive down time when driving.
- Avoid areas that are known for being high-risk (cruising spots, bookstores, parks, bars, drug environments, prostitute hangouts, college campuses, etc.).
- Is public transportation safer for you? If so, use it.
- Avoid driving alone if at all possible.
- Get yourself an accountability partner and tell that person when you will be on the road and when you will reach your destination. Ask him to call you on your cell phone and check on you periodically.
- If you need to talk to someone on your hands-free device, do so.
- Avoid listening to radio stations and music that trigger or feed into your particular temptations. Listen to talk radio, safe music or audio books.
- Keep your eyes on the road, not on the people in other vehicles. Focus on driving, not on having sex with other drivers.
- If the isolation and freedom of driving alone (or cruising) is a huge problem for you, it maybe helpful to have someone chauffeur you (temporarily).
Vacations, Business Trips and Holiday Travel
- Again, if at all possible, don’t travel alone.
- Call your hotel ahead of time and tell them to cancel/block all adult channels and pay-per-view channels.
- Consider your secret (and not so secret) online behavior: pornography, chat rooms, sexting, video/photo sharing sites, hooking up/cruising websites and apps. If you have not done so already, install and activate software that filter/blocks those problematic websites and apps. Do whatever it takes to secure and lock down your computers and phones.
- Give everyone you’re accountable to all the phone numbers and other points of contact through which you can be contacted. Tell them to call you regularly (especially at night).
- Give at least two people you are accountable to administrator access to your computer, your electronic devices and your social media accounts.
- Remember, travel is not a time to contact escort services and masseurs.
- If you are married and/or have children, display their pictures in your room.
- If lonely, go to the public areas in your hotel (but not with the intention to check out new faces and bodies).
- Bring safe and productive stuff to occupy any down time.
- Do your homework and preplan. Conduct research ahead of time and find out what support groups/systems are available near your destination.
Remember – sheer willpower isn’t enough. Maintain your spiritual disciplines and relationships. Work on all aspects of yourself (intellectual, emotional and spiritual) as you modify your behavior.
Recommended Link (PDF file):
Ten Unspoken Rules of Gay Cruising: Because Understanding Your World Is The First Step To Conquering It
Do you have any other suggestions? What has worked for you? What hasn’t worked? Your comments are welcomed below.
© Darrell Martin and SameSexAttractions.wordpress.com, 2014.
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