Note: Today’s post can be thought of as a continuation of my previous articles on lust, pornography, masturbation and sexual addiction.
Within Article #57 we considered some practical suggestions in regards to cruising behavior and managing sexual temptation when traveling. Within today’s exercises (a series of questions), I want us to examine the triggers and motivations that underlie our sexual acting out behaviors.
Exercise #1: What’s Behind the Boredom?
Someone has said boredom occurs when you are in a situation that doesn’t permit you to express yourself. The next time you feel bored, ask yourself the two questions that follow. What do your answers reveal?
- “How would you like to express yourself right now?”
- “What is it that I am not permitting myself to say or do?”
Try to feel the real feelings beneath the boredom.
Exercise #2: Challenge Your Acting Out Motives By Asking Yourself What Is Going On
When you start to move toward acting out (sexually), stop and ask yourself:
- What is it that I am really trying to get out of this?
- What red flags are going up?
- What lies am I listening to now?
- How many days have I been planning this?
- What event(s), anniversaries or milestones are coming up?
- Who have I been avoiding?
- What tools am I not using?
- Have I been feeling less powerful over this problem lately? Have I been feeling less in control or masterful over my life?
- Is there a reward in this?
- Am I testing anything?
- Am I being honest in my plan of recovery?
As (after) you process the answers, get feedback and help for yourself. Accountability partner, support group, counselor, family member, close friend. Be proactive and seek help. Exercise your coping skills and use your recovery tools.
By the way: It is not uncommon to find homosexual desires, lust and behaviors actually increasing as you sort through and explore your emotions and feelings. This is not surprising since gay lust is where so many of us find comfort when we’re frightened and uncomfortable. Challenging and changing behaviors, reactions, thoughts, feelings and belief systems are anxiety-provoking (even terrifying) for many people with homosexual attractions.
Do you have any suggestions? What has worked for you? What hasn’t worked? Your comments are welcomed below.