Same-Sex Attractions

100 articles about experiencing unwanted same-sex attractions while embracing a traditional Christian sexual ethic

About Me

Feel free to skip to the parts that interest you . . .

  • Outcast and Alone

  • Homosexual Attractions

  • Passion and Personality

  • Connecting With Pain and Brokenness

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Outcast and Alone

Throughout my years in high school, I kept asking myself with increasing anxiety, “What is the reason for living?”. What I needed was a substantive relationship with someone. Emotionally, my family was not close. I didn’t have anyone who I would consider a “real” friend. It became easier for me to descend into bouts of depression. Many nights I cried myself to sleep thinking how easy it would be to end my life. I had thoughts about using a gun. I did eventually make a serious suicidal attempt with a knife.

Fortunately, I believed Jesus was the Son of God. I was convicted of the sin in my life (morally, I felt ruined). I believed that God was the last hope for me; to fill the emptiness that defined my life. The summer before my senior year of high school I was baptized into Christ (at the age of 17).

Learning what it means to be a “Christian” was difficult. Many in my new church family sensed (and some even told me to my face) that I was too odd, strange, and different to waste their time with. Ignored, I was left to fend for myself. But the minister of our church took me under his wing and nurtured my faith and self-esteem. He demonstrated God’s love for me and he ignited in me a passion for God’s Word. But even more important, I knew and believed that God would always there for me, even when I was distant from Him or if Christian friends abandoned me.

During these early years I saw the Lord primarily as a friend who helped me when I needed Him. By the time He led me to attend a local Christian university to finish my last two years of college, I was viewing Him more as a nurturing Father whom I was growing closer to. He was someone whom I relied upon more often for strength. And He was someone who was bigger than I who had rightful authority over my life. This reality (even now at the age of 40) is what gives my life meaning and stability.

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I became aware of my homosexual attractions around the age of 15.

Instead of acting on my emotional and physical desire to experience romance or sex with another guy, I lived out large chunks of my teenage and young adulthood in emotional isolation and social detachment. I quietly kept in and fiercely guarded my emotions, thoughts and needs.

Ironically, I funneled my anxiety and energy into helping other people understand their anxieties; to cope with their problems and difficulties:

  • Although I am neither a licensed mental health professional nor a theological expert, my vocational background is in the areas of mental health, research and religious education.
  • Since my first year of college (in 1993), I have served as Youth Director and as Director of Religious Education for churches in the southeastern region of the United Sates.
  • I have written three books geared toward nurturing teens, young adults and new Christians in the faith.

Since I came to Christ at age 17, God revealed to me a glaring need in the churches and ministries I served: faith-based sex education. My students and my peers responded very well to the short curriculum I developed. Many of them were yearning to experience how the Word of God could practically and powerfully inform their concerns about sex.

Even now, 25 years later, I have many of my past students telling me that I was the only Bible teacher/youth worker who took their sexuality and relationship questions seriously. I know it’s not easy. But, as Christians, we must do better.

This same-sex attractions blog grew out of lessons in my curriculum, my own experiences and the experiences of others I have known. It is rough in some places but my focus is not about polish nor being popular. I want this blog to have a gentle presence to welcome and encourage. I am confident the Lord will use it to bless and reach others in His own ways.

I want to share information and resources that can help you, your family, your friends and your church to move the conversation around this tough subject forward. To find solutions. To find common ground, understanding and love. Negativity, a victim mentality, political arguments and the latest public controversy are not what this blog is about. To learn more about my purpose, click here to go to the “About This Blog” page.

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Passion and Personality

I am a private, quiet and reserved person by nature. Conscientious, deliberate, tactful and a precisionist (but not a perfectionist). I have placed a tremendous value on the few personal relationships I do have. And I consider a very select few as close and personal friends.

Being highly observant and aware of people’s feelings and reactions, I often find myself striving to bring order, peace, security and harmony in whatever situation I am in. Although I am very introspective, I have been accused of loving too much; caring too much about the needs and concerns of other people.

My interests include traveling (exploring nature and different cultures), the performing arts, classical music, instrumental (smooth) jazz, spiritual meditation, writing, volunteer work and exercising my culinary skills.

One of my driving passions is helping people overcome the emotional and spiritual obstacles in their lives. My life purpose is to inspire and empower people to live their highest vision in a context of love and joy. And I believe God can take our hedonistic, faithless, corrupt and hopeless circumstances and transform them (and us) into something that glorifies His holiness.

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Connecting With Pain and Brokenness

During the spring of 1998 (at the age 24) I was in the midst of one of the most loneliest and vulnerable times of my life. I wanted to surrender myself in the LGBT community (or more specifically, my preconceived assumptions about what characterized the gay community). I fantasized about what my life could be like as a self-identified gay man. I could romance and captivate another man’s heart; devoting my life to him. We could share the day-to-day intimacy of companionship and love.

Little did I know – my heart was to be completely broken for same-sex attracted individuals like myself. For the first time, in a very real sense, their humanity touched me. They are worthy of love and respect because they too bear the image of God and are cherished by the Lord Jesus Christ. These people, these precious gay men and women, became even more important to me that year. My affection toward them was refined and deepened.

To read more about my background and what I did with my new awareness of LGBT individuals, click this link:

Article #66: Connecting With Pain and Brokenness

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Every article and page on this blog has a comment section where you can share your thoughts.

If you wish to leave me feedback about this blog, click here.

Thanks for visiting and sharing!

Darrell

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