Same-Sex Attractions

100 articles about experiencing unwanted same-sex attractions while embracing a traditional Christian sexual ethic

About This Blog

Do You Ever Feel Out-of-Place?

Are you sexually attracted to other guys but don’t identify with mainstream LGBT culture (or a gay identity)?

Do you agree with traditional Christian doctrine about sexuality and sexual behavior?

Feel like you’ve spent your whole life as if you were on the outside looking in?

As a seven-year-old, I watched the other boys run, jump, tumble, roll, wrestle and yell. Animalistic, unrestrained and LOUD. Being shy and awkward, I just stared at them on the playground during recess. Forcing my back into the rough, brick wall of the school building with all my strength, my heart was racing and I was on the verge of tears. They were no more than 20 yards from me. I was absolutely terrified. But I so much wanted to be right in the middle of it.

The vivid feelings of vulnerability, desire and confusion I experienced in those moments on the playground that day would resurface again and again throughout my youth and young adult years. However, the vulnerability, desire and confusion that defined my same-sex attraction* has not (does not) define my life and my identity.

Same-sex sexual attraction is a reality of my life. Yet as any other part of my life, I must continually surrender it to the Lordship of my Savior Jesus Christ.

* For the purpose of this blog, when I use the term “same-sex attraction” or “SSA”, this is what I am describing – “having a personally significant and meaningful romantic and/or sexual attraction towards members of one’s own sex (or gender)”.

Within this blog, my mission is to write and share 100 articles that best represent my perspective regarding unwanted same-sex (sexual) attraction and homosexuality.

If you experience SSA like me, I encourage you to continue to persevere, grow and learn. Embrace humility, love and grace. Not just for yourself, but share them with others as well. Remember, you are worthy of love and respect. Your life and experiences do matter.

If you are new to this site and wish to comment on a blog entry (or share your experience), please do so. You can find my comments policy here. To take the anonymous, 5-minute “Reader Feedback Survey”, click here.

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I dedicate this website to the precious souls who struggle. The men, women and teens who have doubts and fears. But who also have hopes and dreams. This blog is an interactive resource; an outlet for those who are familiar with this lonely path. And for those who want to share this journey with us.

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No matter how different or unique we are, every person wants and needs understanding, love, and affirmation as a person of worth, value and respect.

I want to share information and resources that can help you, your family, your friends and your church to move forward. To find solutions. To find common ground, understanding and love.

I want to reassure you that God is crazy about you. He does love you. He values you with a deep passion. God’s love for us is far greater than our sexuality.

Same-sex attraction or a homosexual orientation may be part of our experience. But heterosexuality is not the goal or the measure of success. What matters is growing in obedience and Christlikeness. Our vocation, our calling – our first and primary obligation is to God. In every aspect of our lives, we are to be faithful stewards of what He has entrusted us with. We don’t need to see same-sex attractions as the core of our identity. Our identity is in Christ.

Although I will get personal at times, this blog isn’t meant to be my personal journal. Likewise, I will NOT to present (nor engage in) convoluted sociological, theological, scientific or political arguments and theories about homosexuality or LGBT life/culture. There are times, places, contexts and forums for these types of discussions. This blog is not one of them. No one has ever been argued out homosexuality or into God’s kingdom solely based on apologetics.

Encouraging resources, helpful information and honest sharing are my goals. Biblical truth, love and grace are the frames of reference I will be coming from. Allow me to speak from my heart to yours. Let your perspective and heart speak to our fellow travelers and to me. May the Lord take our imperfections and use them for His purposes and glory.

Every article and page on this blog has a comment section where you can share your thoughts.

If you wish to leave me feedback about this blog, click here.

Thanks for visiting and sharing!

Darrell

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Reblogging (Reposting) Information

You are free to re-post anything you find on this blog on WordPress.com.

In exchange for the material, I only ask that you give me credit as the author, and link back to the page you obtained the material from.

Otherwise, unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited (with the exception of the aforementioned).

Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Darrell Martin and this blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

11 thoughts on “About This Blog

  1. I’ve just skimmed some of your posts- I love your blog and your heart! Thank you for your radical committment to the truth and to loving ALL! So needed and refreshing. Godspeed, Brother.

    1. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. I strive to identify doors that can be opened by quiet persuasion – deepening my relationships with others and letting things naturally progress from there. Being more of an introvert, I communicate best in a personal exchange or through the written word.

      This forum gives me the chance to reach those who may be reluctant to enter the doors of a church building or participate in a face-to-face “spiritual” exchange. It also provides me the opportunity to discuss issues that most conventional audience may not want to hear – provocative yet critical subjects that may touch nerves but need to be addressed.

      I appreciate your taking the time to consider my thoughts. Feel free to stop back by again. Blessings!

  2. Thanks for sharing your recommended reading list. I’ve picked out a book I want to read before getting back together with my family at Christmas. Just yelling at people that their behavior is immoral or wrong won’t set them free. And it’s not a good example for me to set as a Christian. I know now that I need to ask forgiveness and learn to connect with my brother with more respect and humility. Thanks for the encouraging information on your blog.

    1. Thank you Dave. You’re right. Instead of being indifferent or focusing on condemnation, more Christians need to focus on genuine concern and redemption. We really need to ask ourselves (and answer): “Which conveys the love of Christ more? Stating and arguing our beliefs about an issue or really getting involved in the lives of men and women who are that issue?” May God bless your softening heart and attitude towards your brother. I will be praying that your relationship with him can be healed and repaired.

      Regarding my book list – it’s not much but I’m thinking about writing a book “review” for each title in 2013. At this point, I just want to get information out there to people needing assistance and hope.

    1. Thanks. I believe Christians should be more concerned about spiritual discernment, tact, gentleness, respect and love. And get rid of stereotypical and divisive language (attitudes) that will alienate others (Ephesians 4:15; Colossians 4:5, 6; 1 Peter 3:15, 16).

    1. Thank you for visiting Gerge. My hope is the information and experiences shared here will be encouraging for all who discover this blog. It bothers me terribly to think about every young person who is scared, confused and lonely (especially when it concerns the subject of SSA). To God’s glory, this site is dedicated to them. If you can, stop back by anytime and invite others to do the same.

  3. Hi Darrel. you are doing a really great job…thank you. spending my teenage years and not only teenage years in church ministry, I kind of could handle the confusion inside…but as I got older, it has become a problem…when most of the people of my age get married and live their lives, it gets so depressing and lonely…especially in countries like mine… (I am from an ex soviet country… ) Christians like you help me to handle the bitterness I have toward God because of my situation.. I have never been involved in same sex relationtips and never plan..may be my attraction is not as strong… I try to get back to Christian faith, but at the moment it is very hard for me.. again, thank you for your posts.

    1. I am humbled by your kind sentiments George; thank you. One of my friends and his wife recently had their third child. I dearly love their family but I still find myself having that occasional yearning when I see them interact as a family or hear them speak about each other with a special love, warmth and affection in their voices. It hurts. And it is easy to ruminate in the pain, self-pity and jealousy. It is important to remember that we are loved. We are wanted and desired by God. He is patient. But in the meantime, we still long for that special person to love and desire (and for that special someone to love and desire us back).

      If you can’t feel God’s love for you in your struggle, I hope you have a friend or two who will grab your shoulder and say, “I love you. I want to walk along this difficult road with you”. I hope there is an accessible and nurturing church family to help and comfort you. Your life does matter to God. He awaits your return. Regardless of our struggles or inclinations, we can please Him. Remain hopeful and open to the Lord. May His grace be with you.

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