Same-Sex Attractions

100 articles about experiencing unwanted same-sex attractions while embracing a traditional Christian sexual ethic

Familyguy12’s Story

September 30, 2014 – Familyguy12 is a male in his 20’s who experience attraction to more than one sex (or gender).

(Share your comments in response to this story at the bottom of this page.)

“I have been experiencing same-sex attractions since the 10th grade and have acted on them a few times. Throughout high school and college I was very active in a bisexual lifestyle. When I turned 24, I decided I wanted to turn my life around, to get married and to have a family. A year later I fell in love and married my current wife and we had a son. I love my wife and son so much. I don’t want to be with anyone else in the world but I still struggle with SSA (even to the point where I cheated on my wife while she was pregnant). After a while she found out and we almost divorced but we remained together. Now a year later I have cheated again. I feel awful about it and I just know that she isn’t going to take me back this time. My marriage is over. I don’t know what to do. I have lost control of my life and I can’t even promise her that I will never do it again because the temptations at times are so strong and I feel so weak. I don’t know what to do.”

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One thought on “Familyguy12’s Story

  1. @ Familyguy12 – Please understand I am not a licensed professional counselor of any sort. And this site is not a referral service. However, I am very sorry that you and your family are in this predicament. I can’t even begin to imagine the anguish you must be going through. Here’s a couple of suggestions . . .

    Regardless of the shame and the fear, there must be a strong commitment to healthy relationships going forward – especially in the area of open, honest and strong accountability.

    Research support groups dealing with sexual orientation and mixed-orientation relationship issues. Online support groups are the easiest to get started with because no matter what part of the world or how unique your situation, you will find others like you.

    “Making Mixed Orientation Marriages Work” is a Yahoo Group that is often recommended. It is a traditional email list group with every imaginable combination of mixed-orientation relationships. To the best of my knowledge the group is open to the bisexual, gay, lesbian or straight spouse.

    If you and your wife are not already involved with a mental health professional or a pastoral counselor, please do so. When looking for a counselor, look for someone who has experience with sexual orientation issues and mixed-orientation relationships. But be very wary of someone who seems to pronounce only one solution.

    In the past I have recommended resources available from clinical psychologist Dr. Mark Yarhouse. Mixed-orientation marriage is one of his special concerns. You may want to check out these four links:

    http://www.sexualidentityinstitute.org

    http://spiritualfriendship.org/2014/10/09/forgiveness-in-mocs/

    http://psychologyandchristianity.wordpress.com/2013/01/12/mixed-orientation-marriages-part-1

    https://samesexattractions.wordpress.com/2013/04/16/homosexuality-and-the-christian-a-guide-for-parents-pastors-and-friends
    (chapter 7 in particular has several insights that you may be helpful to you and your wife)

    Thank you sharing. I will be praying for you and this heartbreaking situation. – Darrell

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